The Ruination of Whyte Gold
Tuesday, November 10, 2009 at 6:32PM Katie Kite ruined me. Permanently. For all time. She gets an assist from Ashley Sullivan. But on the scorecard Katie gets the points.
Katie lived down the street. She was skinny, blond, and the best tan a pre-pubescent boy could ask for. Her sister Rachel was my babysitter. If babysitting meant throwing me in front of a TV while she hung out with my older brother. They had a thing for each other. But they never did anything about it. They were Ross and Rachel before Ross and Rachel became common lexicon for two people that needed to be together but weren’t. But I guess in the end Ross and Rachel got together so I can’t compare Rachel and Robby with those two. Regardless Rachel hung out with my older brother a great deal. That meant Katie was around. I was fine with that.
A few weeks ago I bumped into Rachel at a bar. After she asked about my brother she said this:
We always thought it was cute to see you and Katie flirt with each other. You know in that innocent way that two elementary school kids can.
I didn’t know I was flirting. I certainly didn’t know Katie was. I thought we were just hanging out. I taught her how to use a straw in the bottom of the Capri Sun and drink it. If that’s what dating was, I was cool with that. As a precursor to my future relationships, this one ended quickly.
Katie and her family moved. Devastated. I didn’t know what I would do. Granted it was three miles away and we were still going to the same school. But we wouldn’t see each other. Why?
Two reasons:
1) Enter my mom. She had just seen the TV movie Adam and was enforcing a strict four block radius for me to play. Hence I was a prisoner in my own neighborhood.
2) I saw her school schedule. No classes together. No shared lunches. She might as well have moved upstate.
Enter Ashley Sullivan. Her name still sounds hot. She was hot. While Katie stimulated me intellectually, my thing for Ashley was pure superficial. Ashley was the head cheerleader for the Pee Wee league. Me? I played soccer. Since I was no Pele and often on the sideline, it allowed me to stare across the fields at Ashley.
Eventually my disobedient ways caught up to me and my coach forced me to run laps. I didn’t mind so much. Every ¼ of a turn brought me that much closer to Ashley. I wanted to say something but I never did. Some lineman named Jeff beat me to it. After a few walks home, they started holding hands. The grade school equivalent of a make out session.
A few weeks pass and there’s a knock on my door. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was Katie. She stopped by with Rachel. Katie pulled me aside.
I miss you.
I was too young and stupid to actually comprehend / say it back. I just stood there. Rachel broke the silence.
Do you and your brother want to go to the High School football game?
My mom waived the radius rule and we headed to the game. Katie and I split from our siblings and we walked. Walking turned into laps. Around the track. I didn’t care about the game. It didn’t matter. By halftime we were holding hands. My first public display of affection. It was delightful.
Towards the end of the game, a group of middle school kids approached us. Jean jacket, knock-off Metallica patches and the smell of cigarettes. Everything my mom warned me against but I would later appreciate. They had the audacity to question Katie and my relationship. They wanted us to prove our love for each other. All we had to do was kiss. I wanted to lay one on her, but I was a gentleman / scared. The group got bigger and the chants louder.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Not our first time. Not with a bunch of punk kids chanting and egging us on. I was a latch key kid. Raised by VHS. They never did this in any of the movies. We needed romance. Not the antithesis of every kiss John Hughes wrote about. This depraved group of kiss vulchers swarming us was not how it was going to go down. Not on my watch.
Katie and I looked at each other, awkwardly. She leaned in. I leaned in. Our eyes met. And I hugged her. We turned and walked away from each other. Opposite directions on a circular track. The crowd ruined it for me. I didn’t need them to accept me. Just Katie.
I ran into Rachel. I confessed everything.
You were sweet to wait. Katie will appreciate it more. Just think of what you’ll tell her Monday at school.
For the first time I couldn’t wait for school. I planned this out all weekend. It had to be perfect. I jumped out of bed. Full of hope and happiness. A boy on a mission. I would kiss Katie. But on our terms. I had it all planned out. Even had a friend pass a note to her. My bases were officially covered.
After school. You and me. By the coat racks. Alone.
I didn’t leave a box for her to check. I wasn’t giving her an option. This was how it was going to be done. It was full proof. The hordes of kids would be anxious to leave and we would be alone. I stared at that clock. When the hand hit three and my watch chirped I knew it was go time. Nerves had never been a problem before but looking back I realized that the massive amounts of sweat were not caused by the outside heat.
Everyone was gone. I was alone. Waiting. The rubbing of corduroy signaled someone was close by. I looked up. It wasn’t Katie. It was her friend. She approached me.
Katie says you can sit on this and rotate.
Her friend stuck up her middle finger and walked away. Part of me wanted to grab the hall monitor and tell her what I just witnessed. But I was too dejected. I lowered my head in shame. Defeated and confused. Not sure what I did to bring on the middle finger. Embarrassed, I walked the lonely, long walk down the hallway. Alone.
Hi. You’re on the soccer team, right?
The angelic voice couldn’t have been talking to me. I looked around. I’m still alone. I looked up from my sad stupor. There she is. Ashley Sullivan. In all her glory. Smiling, she was staring at me. She broke the silence.
You’re always getting into trouble.
I nodded a yes as I tried to play it cool. I was still concerned Ashley had me confused with someone else, so I looked around. It was just me and her.
I’m Ashley. What’s your name?
I whispered my answer; Johnny.
I wasn’t trying to be sexy or seductive that would come years later. I was just really nervous I’d get the answer wrong. She kept asking questions. I gained more confidence in my answers. We ended the talk with plans to attend the game Friday night. I would break the radius rule for Ashley.
As the days passed, I didn’t see Katie. I didn’t need to. I had other plans. My pre-game routine consisted of showering, dressing and placing healthy amounts of aftershave on my body. This was going to be my coming out party, and I was going to make a statement.
I could care less that team was in the playoffs. What I did care about was finding Ashley. I spotted her and headed over. We talked. Held hands. I decided then and there the best way to get over your first girlfriend was to date your first crush. We did our laps around the track. Things were going great.
Until the kiss vulchers appeared. The chants intermixed with clapping. No amount of Cool Water could help me with this. I’ve screwed this up once this month. I wasn’t going to let it happen again. I turned to face Ashley. Thinking I was playing it cool. In reality sweating and turning a healthy shade of red. I shrugged my shoulders and let her know my intentions.
I’ll do this. If you want to do this?
A phrase that I would carry for decades. Thankfully only ever used with a female.
Ashley shrugged.
I wouldn’t mind kissing you.
I coated my lips with chapstick. I placed my hands on her shoulders. Eyes closed. I leaned in. My mouth approaches her. Suddenly a shriek from the crowd forces us to stop.
TEACHER!
Can’t believe I was cock blocked by a teacher.
Meet me behind the Snack Shack after halftime. She whispered to me. I was at Ashley’s mercy. The Snack Shack it would be.
Can you say?
Longest
Halftime
Ever.
Seriously I think they added additional time in there somehow. I wasn’t even excited for this. I just wanted to get it over so we could start planning next semester’s class selection. Home room with Ashley would be phenomenal.
I snuck around the Snack Shack. Just Ashley, me and apparently everyone else. I turned the corner and there was already a new circle formed. Seriously do these people have nothing better to do? I was pushed into the middle and Ashley followed. Six feet apart we walked towards each other. My hands went back on her shoulders. I closed my eyes and leaned in. A two second kiss with no tongue became the single defining moment of elementary school. I was officially a man. At least for this day. We pulled away and Ashley turned and left.
The long walk home went a little easier. A certain extra hop in my walk assisted me along the way. I ran into Rachel. She wasn’t too happy with me.
Why did you kiss some girl tonight that wasn’t Katie?
Was I developing a reputation? While this would have normally made me feel great, I couldn’t face Rachel. I looked up to her. I was embarrassed, shocked and stunned. How did Rachel know? The simple answer was not so simple.
Katie told her. Katie saw me. She was part of the crowd. I was too blinded to see her. She ran away and cried to Rachel. I attempted to defend myself.
Katie broke up with me. Why would she cry and even care?
Rachel couldn’t answer my question that night or any other night.
My moment in the spotlight was short lived. Ashley dumped me soon after. She wanted to get back with Jeff and try and make it work. It sounded weak then. It sounds weak now. To this day I despise him. I despise all Jeff’s.
I never knew why Katie dumped me. I never knew why she sent her friend over to give me the finger. I never found out why she cried that day at the game. In a short time I lost the two most important girls in my life. Ruined. My own versions of Winnie Cooper and Kelly Kapowski gone. The girl next door and the head cheerleader.
No girl will ever come close to those two. No girl ever has.
-w.g.